THE SEXUAL DISEASE CLINIC Call Now To Wind Up Your Mates: 0905 235 1525 - Instructions

How would you feel if a doctor from the National Sexually Transmitted Diseases Control Unit rang you up, only to tell you that you have been named by an ex-lover and have a strong possibility of having contracted the dreadful Zachary syndrome? It's not pretty and has an unusually painful treatment...

YOUR NEW WIFE HAS LANDED Call Now To Wind Up Your Mates: 0905 235 1525 - Instructions

It's the Immigration section of Heathrow Airport calling to tell you your new wife has landed. Well, we expected you to deny it, that's just what all the perverts say, so how exactly has this Thai woman got your phone number if you've never been to Thailand on a dodgy sex holiday?

U'VE BEEN SELECTED 4 A NEW GAME SHOW Call Now To Wind Up Your Mates: 0905 235 1525 - Instructions

There is a new reality TV Game Show about to be launched in the UK called One Touch is Too Much! And one of the first contestants has just dropped out. They need a new contestant who is up for a laugh and doesn't mind being stuck in a house with five lap dancers whose only job is to get the guy to touch them or worse! Laugh as they ask the victim about his sexual preferences and whether he likes girls to call him daddy.

THE INLAND REVENUE WANT A WORD Call Now To Wind Up Your Mates: 0905 235 1525 - Instructions

What do you mean the company in question has nothing to do with you? C'mon where is the paper work and why have you not declared your income? Here comes the Taxman and he's not happy with your excuses!

MY DAUGHTER'S PREGNANT Call Now To Wind Up Your Mates: 0905 235 1525 - Instructions

You bastard you've gone and got my daughter Esmerelda pregnant and now you're gonna have to marry her and come live on the farm! Need we say more....

THE PHONE ENGINEER Call Now To Wind Up Your Mates: 0905 235 1525 - Instructions

Who wouldn't help out a friendly telephone engineer who needs to calibrate your phone line? All he needs to do is transfer you to the automated phone testing system where you will have to repeat a few words

PAGE THREE STUNNER STUCK IN A LIFT Call Now To Wind Up Your Mates: 0905 235 1525 - Instructions

Who wouldn't help a page three girl stuck in a lift with only a mobile phone to save her? Its hot in the lift so she has had to remove some of her clothes and she's really desperate for a peeListen and laugh as your victim desperately tries to help her out of the goodness of his own heart while the dodgy lift moves and shakes.

1. Choose a Wind-Up from the list.

2. Call 0905 235 1525. Make sure you have the mobile or landline number of the person you want to wind up.

3. Once you've entered the Victim's phone number the system will dial them.

4. When the Victim is on the phone press # to start the recorded wind-up message.

5. The Victim will then believe they are talking to a real person and continue to interact with the recording.

6. You can secretly listen in while the joke is being played on the Victim so you can hear both the wind-up and the Victim's reaction at the same time.

7. If you or the Victim terminates the call at any time both lines will hang up finishing the call.